I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
