I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
