after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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