One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize