my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
where are my eyebrows?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
