I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
