She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
