i think my tv is drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
