She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize