I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
