why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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