The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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