i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
4 words: hood of his car
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
