just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
