I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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