ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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