Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
