Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
