you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
