be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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