We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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