Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
