Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
