fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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