Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
