OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
