The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why do cheetos always look like penises
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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