I think my fart just growled at me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
