it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We named our party play list daddy issues
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
