Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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