Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
