How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize