so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
