did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
