please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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