She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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