You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
