Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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