the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
