Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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