I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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