if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
