So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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