you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
