Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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