I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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