I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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