I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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