Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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