a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He kissed a someone with a penis
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Randomize
