I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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