i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
