What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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