PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
