Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
