He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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