My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
