FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
