I seem to have left my pride at pride
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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