she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
