She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
