Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
