Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
