wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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