Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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