got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you never un-have a 4some
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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