No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What a dumb baby whore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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