I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will be naked everywhere
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
