Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
People in love make me want to vomit
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
